listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
