wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
