Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
