Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
