i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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