how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
