Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
