Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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