The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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