Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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