Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
