wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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