My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
