Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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