i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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