Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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