Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
