Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
