i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
