Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
