i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
