Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
