Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
