my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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