ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
