apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
