Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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