I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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