the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
