My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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