So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
