bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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