i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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