The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
