I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
