I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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