eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
