Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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