make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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