Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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