I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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