I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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