I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Maybe he injected his testicle?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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