the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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