Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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