You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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