you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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