How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
