I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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