the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
