the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My bed smells like the plague
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
