Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
